why do we do what we do? is the reason for what we do the right reason? or isit just because we felt its more comfortable to have it done that way.

i just heard that im actually getting a pay much lower than other staffs in other outlets when they are there for a shorter period of time compared to me. you may laugh at me and say i suck. cause i think so too ! why am i getting a pay lower than others when im here for so long? it only reflects one thing ! they are more capable than me. i have nothing to say for that because i haven't worked with their managers and i haven't seen them work. so i cant compare anything or come to any conclusion. but i think i should self-reflect. am i only worth $5/hour? or am i worth more?


i could have just confronted my other manager and asked about the pay. but i didn't. i chose to do some self-reflection. asking myself, am i really that incompetent? you tell me, am i really that incompetent?

considering the things i am able to accomplish. i believe im worth more. but considering my fluctuating performance. i doubt im actually worth any much more than $5/hour. this comes back to my confusion which has been haunting me for weeks already.

i can choose to just tender my resignation, give them two weeks notice and just disappear after two weeks. not hesitating to stay on. but. if i do that, my managers will be caught in a fix. not having sufficient staffs and having to maintain that standard of service. stress will just kill them. joleen is going back to china for a month. from april 13th to may 13th. they are terminating one of the full-timers because of her screwed up attitude. losing joleen for a month is so bad that they need to xfer another staff to train in breeks for a month. losing another full-timer will just cause them to be badly down-staffed. at least with me around. i can help a bit la.. i dont know....


right decisions = decision made after much thought and benefitting most people or conforms to certain standards? wants = decision made upon emotions and usually hurting people and never conformed to the certain standards?

right decisions are easy to make. but hard to follow through. unluckily, im those type of people who always starts things but hardly any follow through.

Wise people speak from experience. Wiser people, from experience, dont speak.

i aspire to be the wiser people. the cool charming men in movies. but they are that way because they've been through alot. me, without making much decisions so far. fearing of making wrong decisions. what experience can i talk about? i've only seen so lil. there's so much more to be seen. though i can actually perceive many things through my little brains. understanding that many things beyond other people's imagination is happening. still have no experience to talk about if i havent been in any of those situations.

i dont know. im confused. i dont know what i should be doing. argh.

i need a new job with better pay. preferably something to do with computer. any recommendations?