so... conclusion of our one sided heated argument?

i should not toy with people's feelings and just find a girl who shares the same values and perspective of things and loves me to spend the rest of my life with.

so tempted to say it's easier said than done but saying that makes me feel like i concede defeat which i dont like. alot.

well, that night i sms-ed some people to ask for some negative views of me, it was to help me be more humble.. or at least i feel im starting to become too full of myself. it always happens like this. first i will become very good at things like almost everything i do will awe somebody somehow and start receiving praises, then i will start to get cocky and everything will just go downhill from there. and after weeks of emo-ing and doing wrong things, the cycle happens again. this time i manage to get out of the cycle. by getting some negative views from some people who meant to me or used to mean to me. =DD so glad.

those views also allowed me to do some reflections of myself. lets me think of areas which i need to improve on. like joleen says that my attitude to mike, our colleague, is bad and my standing posture during operation hours is bad. germaine says that sometimes i think im always right and sometimes i care but i just act like i dont. eliz says that im still not stable for relationships and has a problem with my choices of words.

i've already decided to speak to mike better and respect him more. i used to have problems with him because he's more "feminine" than usual guys and it sort of irritates me. =D standing posture is a small problem which can be rectified easily so not much of a concern.. maybe i should keep my predictions to myself and hopefully people will stop thinking that i always think that im right. *but sometimes its just that zhun what.. its just me believing myself.. =((* i realise that sometimes i care but i act like i dont its cause i felt that i didn't have the right to. like i'm not anybody to somebody and i feel that i was in no position to say anything to change anybody's mind. so.. yea.. think im doing something right.. as for still not stable for relationship, there's a few issues to this. first, its hard enough to find someone who shares the same values and perspective to things with me and secondly, its even harder to find someone at my age with that much maturity for us to make our relationship last till death..

i know that its wrong to like toy with other people's feelings as a form of experimenting in my quest to find the one suitable for me. and i feel lousy practising what other teens of my age is doing. dating for the sake of dating, having someone by my side for the sake of having her there. your one-sided heated argument woke me. thanks eliz =D

*one-sided heated argument = an argument between me and eliz with me with me knowing my mistakes halfway through and her emphasizing her points*